Part II

 

Like water on the face

Suddenly a taste

Fresh, sweet,

Pick up the pace

 

Feet on the ground,

Why’ve I been hanging around
waiting for nothing

Wanting for something

 

Light a fire
match the flame
Let go, child
Be not so tamed

 

       -sk-

Part I

 

Softness falling
sunny haze
Nesting, resting
settled in space

In these dreams I lie
from myself sometimes I hide
Sleight of hand,
a bit of wit
Seems I’ve got myself soon tricked

Under covers
time is aging
Heavy sigh,
need to fly.

-sk-

Stagnation Negation

Where is the path to freedom from the stagnant river?

It is in the slightest movement
Begin and move again
When one move ends, I must begin another.

Move with music,
with art, words, dance,

with decision.
Move with that which compels your lightness forward.

Stagnance is the absence of maintained functionality.
The river must run,

Momentum MUST be maintained.

Run! Fly! Burst from the muddy waters
Tear your soul from this grasp
of a listless existence.

 

It’s pretty magical to me how meeting certain people can cause my entire world to be shaken up, just like that. With one even swoop, how the essence of another human can distort so many corners of my current reality. What is and isn’t possible, things I’ve overlooked, or maybe things I haven’t allowed myself to see. It feels stupendously shitty to realize how much I’ve settled in my choices and how delusional I’ve been to continue telling myself that outside forces are keeping me from the things I would rather be doing. I’m kinda glad it feels shitty though; maybe that’s the push I need.

You’re tired of this cage. So break out of it.

The Taming of the Shrew

I’ve been steam-rolled by my frustrations again. Some days I don’t even understand who I am as these things take hold of me. To ruminate is to think about something, to mull something over, to deliberate on. I have an unfortunate tendency to get caught in this cycle of thought, but what is far more debilitating is when it turns from rumination to obsession. To obsess is to be preoccupied or in thought of something continually, intrusively, and to a troubling extent. I have watched my apprehensions turn to obsession time and time again in my mind; always followed by disappointment in myself and my lack of control. I try to talk myself through it. Change your thought pattern, stop focusing on it! Talk about something else – anything else! Let it go. Get the fuck over it! And for a brief moment, it works! I’ve moved on – up and over and can go on living my life like all the other “normal” humans. A minute later I’m lost in the tension of whatever unsolvable problem I’ve been chiseling at. The most distracting of these dilemmas have their roots in principle. Especially when the principles (or lack thereof) of one or few negatively effect the majority in a confined situation. When it is glaringly obvious to all attending that there is a wrench in the works, and yet nothing is done to eradicate the problem(s). There are some principles of others that I am incapable of understanding and, apparently, accepting. Even in trying to understand all sides of the dice, I tend to lock onto whatever injustice I feel is being served and am then unable to get past it. I sincerely want to learn to move past these things and simply carry on, yet I also wonder if we need more blind eyes in a culture that doesn’t really see well in the first place. I haven’t the slightest clue when I will master my vexations, but I hope it’s soon; these pools of unease that I sit in after one of these whirlwinds are grimy and exhausting.

 

How do you keep your cool?

Doing Nothing

These are my favorite moments of all. The lightness of simply enjoying life in all of its magic. Observing the trees or the ocean moving, twisting and dancing, feeling the breeze brush past my body, taking in the sounds around me, weather they be of the birds, waves, the chattering of folks nearby… Every now and then, these moments reach into my daily life and stir the stagnancy right out of my soul. These occasions never cease to make me smile and they have become my own ideal of success. For me, it has little to do with titles, income, popularity or showcases. It is, instead, about these moments of clarity and the readiness to recognize them and embrace them.  That is what defines the experience, you see. Just to be doing nothing is not what it is about. It is about seeing and feeling the richness that can be found in the absence of excess action and noise. Not all movement is fulfilling or even productive. How grateful I am to witness life in its barest essence and to be absolutely contented within the eternal “stillness” that it provides. They may outwardly seem still, but in my perspective, they are some of the most alive moments I’ll ever be witness to. 

Artwork from Smitten Italy + Co. available here.

Begin

6/3/2018 7:36 PM

It is hot. Yet so, so beautiful. I am outside. Dusk is approaching, crawling through the streets and breathing in upon us with its damp, sticky breath. I can feel the cool touches of night’s promise, standing just beyond nightfall. I sit here, suspended in the moment. My surroundings fascinate me. Lounging here within the patio confines of my favorite coffee shop. My iced coffee is melting, but there are birds and a fountain to help me forget. I listen with my left ear to the sounds of life around me. The gurgling water fountain, the cars on the busy street, a plane overhead. Least not, my neighboring tables are all deep in conversation. Some keep light and cheery, a gathering of friends and giggles: small stories and recounts of local current events. Just one table over, a deeper evaluation of choices seems to be at hand. Perhaps father and son or mentor and mentee.. My right ear absorbs a sweet reverie of music beats which delivers me so neatly to other realms and times in space.

I am determined to write. To share. To share the world as I see it; hear it; feel it. What makes my viewpoint so special? Nothing. Nothing more-so than that it may differ from your own. But I feel drawn to share in hopes of bringing to others some insights which not all of us see daily. Vision is so inconsistent. In this moment it occurs to me that vision could well be likened to a muscle that requires proper training in order to see more clearly. Whatever it is we wish to see, we might attain with practice in the matter. For today I wish to see the beauty in the simplest things. All day I have watched the trees, the grass, the birds and sky. Now I watch the tree move above me; many small movements; sways and shifts, back and forth, up down, side to side. Not much of a breeze at hand, mystifying the image even more. It’s as though she could simply stand still no longer and had to wriggle her fingers around to say hello. The trick is to train this muscle of vision and strengthen it to see beyond the combustible moments. Moments that have been convoluted by fear, hurt, and possibly hardest of all, ego. But how?

This is the hunt I am on. It is a hunt within the dimensions of myself. I must know, what really makes me ME? It is not purely past nor is it fully future. Present particulars do not a foundation make, so it must be somewhere suspended in the mixture of these conditions that the epitome of my soul resides. I know not of the correct direction within, I only know that I must find my way there and learn all that I can along the way. I begin here and now; no clear path in mind, no set rules or guidelines other than to trust my instincts and chose what feels right while staying outside the confines of expectation. A straight path it will not be, and most likely I will arrive late. But I’m on my way.

 

Journey

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

 

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